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Kari, formerly knows as Karin, formerly knows as the helper of the dark side. 17. Small town girl. Loving the Italian ice café, literature, music, guitars, soccer and movies.

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...she's got nowhere to go... [September 09, 2007 @ 7:09pm]


My boyfriend's great uncle who lived next door to him died. He was pretty old, but of course everybody is devastated. Boyfriend cried in front of me, which was very aw....shows that one trusts you. I called some friends of theirs in England for them to explain everything and they decided to come for the funeral, which will be Wednesday. I will go too. He was a lovely man and I am sad, and sad for his family and friends.
His wife, I like her a lot. I feel so sorry.
But at least he was still very active until old age and he died more or less happy.

So, we did not go out on Friday of course. We just talked and hugged and cuddled and I tried to comfort him. But in a way it was a nice evening.
Yesterday we drove to his place and in the afternoon we went to have coffee with his grandparents, parents and great aunt. She asked me whether I could talk to her English friends for her, which I did. I am happy they will come, because that will be nice for her.

Yesterday night we went to a club in Frankfurt, where we go from time to time, the Final Destination. They had Strange Works (Indie and Alternative) and Metal Night on the second floor...and what was best: Cocktail Happy Hour, and damn they make good and strong cocktails. 
I had, too,..and Pina Colada and a Caipirinha. I danced a lot and we drove home at four (I got fries at Burger King) and arrived there at five.
We went to bed and I feel asleep real quick but when I woke up the first time, I had the most horrible headache...could not have been a hangover, considering I had only two cocktails, but it sucked. But I was able to go to sleep again and felt better...though still slightly dizzy. 
Today we went to the fair in the next town, where one traditionally goes every year and buys candy and looks at silly hats and stuff.
It was nice....

Now, we should go and get our pizza.


I ordered a bunch of books for uni. The Strange Case of Dr Jeckyll and Mr Hyde, Heart of Darkness by Joseph Conrad, Beloved by Toni Morrison and Orlando by Virginia Woolf. I started Heart of Darkness, but I might first try Walter Moers' new novel, because he is just lovely and hilarious and his wrting is so smart and enjoyable.


...don't you wanna feel my bones on your bones? [September 07, 2007 @ 12:53pm]

It is so cool that the St Andrews philosophy teacher whom I met last summer introduced me to this girl who has been studying at St Andrews for an entire year. She is doing English and Philosophy, so there will be one course we have together and she is lovely. She already said I was always welcome at her place and she was going to show me around during Fresher's Week, so I'd get to know people. She encourages me, saying St Andrews is the best choice I could have made and she loves Bob Dylan and Oscar Wilde and loads of other things I do enjoy. So this actually takes me some of my fear.
Plus, I finally chose my modules. French 1&2, Linguistics 1&2 and English 1&2...so I am actually going to study literature and I am so looking forward to my first English and French modules, in case they actually let me take English. I already ordered books I will have to read and some I already have read. And I am just excited and depressed at the same time, because things are so lovely here, with boyfriend and friends and parents.


This week was pretty nice but slow. Despite the fact that we had actually said we'd not sleep over as much anymore, because I did not want to get up at 5.30 every day, we do it almost daily. But that is just fine, I simply go back to sleep. When boyfriend stays here I always make is breakfast for school while he prepares his tea and bread. I always put a little surprise thingie inside, which is kind of childish, but it is also cute and nice and people already envy him for his lovely breakfast ;)
We are still watching Scrubs and just talking, enjoying our time.

he took me out for dinner, which was too beautiful. We went to this lovely little restaurant and they had opened because there was a large group celebrating there, which turned out to be my ex-guitar teacher's choir, so we talked and he said he's send me a song he thinks I should play and sing and in the end we sang together, because he'd brought his guitar and people gave me compliments for my singing and I was flattered.
But the best was being out with boyfriend, though I was very hyperactive due to being so tired.
He also booked his flight to Scotland for November.

Wednesday I spent with two friends of mine. Actually we had intended to cook together, look at photos, talk...we ended up making frozen pizza and looking at photos and talking. But it was nice to be with them, because probably there will not be a lot of occasions anymore.

Yesterday we had this little barbecue (only four people), with two friend of ours and it was so funny. We talked about what everybody was going to do and about what was and about other people and had salad and cheese and pizza and bread and sausages, lol.
I laughed a lot.
Tonight I slept so well, it was wondrous.

Somebody at studivz (facebook for germans) invited me in the group fashion angels...must be a bad joke :)
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[September 04, 2007 @ 12:57pm]


It is only 19 days left. I got a suitcase, tomorrow I will pay for accomodation. SAAS are going to cover my tuition fees.
I have to get a parcel service for a few things. I have to get some sort of prescription for the pill, or I will have to find a gynaecologist in Scotland, which might be possible as well, but more expensive.
I have to buy some books, I fortunetely already read some of the necessary stuff for English, and fuck I need to open my internet account and do the module thingie and I am overcharged, but well...


This weekend was nice. Friday night we have been to the lantern festival, which is in the next sort of bigger city and it was quite lovely, because we all met dozens of people we knew and had not seen in a while. I had thai noodles, which was awesome and I bought anis candy for boyfriend. There was a huge drama because of getting home and people being stupid. Seriously, if you do not organize stuff on your own, you always end up in trouble. I hate it.
Apparently people are incapable of reading bus plans and all, but we ended up getting home with some friends.
Did I mention my utmost dislike for people.
But the evening was lovely. I talked to some friends from school and had nice food and sweets.
I drove home with Sonja and boyfriend with some friends. He gave me his car keys, in case I'd be there before he would, so I would not be cold at the station. Very lovely indeed.
So we got home, watched an episode of Scrubs and went to sleep.

Saturday was his cousin's wedding. It sucks to not kiss in churches, because there pemanently is the impulse to do so.
The reverend, well, he was quite bizarre, but I guess he made a nice job of it. The bride had an ugly tattoo on her breast. Memo to self: Never get a tattoo in a place that will be visible when wearing your wedding dress.
The party was nice. Cakes, great food...not so great music, but oh well.

Sunday, we did pretty much nothing at all except for watching Scrubs and in the evening we drove to my place. Is today Tuesday, I am confused.

Well all in all, things are going just fine at the moment, which is sort of depressing.


I read The Handmaid's Tale by Margarete Atwood, which gave me a night of nightmares. The thing that is so scary is in how far most of the things described in the dystopia have actually appeared somewhere in modern history.
Like the idea to make women machines who have to produce children, which was a concept the nazis used. Or the comments about islamism. It was freaky and I liked the writing a lot, because despite the fact that one never learns the main character's true name, after a while you feel like knowing her. The thing with "Hiruno maleficis evoltat" was touching and the Commandant. I just disliked this historical comment in the end, which made it sort of a travesty. I mean, the irony was there throughout the entire thing, but that was sort of riddiculous.

Now I am reading Short Stories, by Alice Munroe. She is fantastic. That is all I can say.


Today I will make payment for accomodation. Probably that will cause me to cry for several hours, because it is one more definite step.
Kara, send my package ;)

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Oh, it's such a perfect day, I'm glad I spend it with you... [August 29, 2007 @ 11:45am]

Yesterday I watched Scrubs with boyfriend and he likes it. Phew. I think our relationship could not have endured if he had not found Scrubs funny, but luckily he really did like it.
We watched the first two episodes before going to bed.
He started working on August 1st and at the moment he is on vocational training, meaning he has to get up at 5.30 am, which I cannot. At least not when I do not have to and not every day. Of course that reduces the nights we spend together, but once or twice a week I still stay over or he does.
And yesterday we watched Scrubs, which was too lovely.
I just love Turk and JD...and Dr Cox above all.

Well, on Saturday we were on the Museumsuferfest. That is a festival in Frankfurt, which takes place every summer and they have tons of stands with international food and art and the museums open and there is music and it is very lovely.
We had cooked dinner before. 
1) Tomato and Mozzarella
2) Spaghetti al Pesto
3) A lovely dessert with Mascarpone and almonds and fruit.

We wanted to visit the Städel, a beautiful art museum, but by the time we arrived at 9.40 pm they were about to close.
Fuckers. So we decided to go there today, which is too lovely.
I will leave in a few minutes and I hope we can eat at Subway. I love Subway. 
If it is warm, we can talk a walk by the river side, but at the moment, inspite of the shining sun, it is pretty cool, though Frankfurt is always a few degrees warmer.


I read "Atonement" by Ian McEwan, which for some reason intrigued me endlessly. Nothing really happens in it. Well, actually something does happen, but that was not the great thing.
It was just the way it was written and the way you want to scream at the injustice that is never revealed and the happiness that is so wrong that comes out for the two who don't deserve it.
And then Robbie and Cecilia, who you so want to have happiness and perfection, because they are equal partners and their love is true and they have so much tension and they are ripped apart.
And yet you cannot help liking Briony in a way, for the way she looks at things and for her courage and her writing and her ambitions.
Only the end was...meh. Not really the end. The first part of the epilogue. The ending was beautiful and I could never have thought of it and it was pretty and closed the circle.

Now, I am reading "Der Richter und sein Henker", a psychological crime novel by Dürrenmatt, which I hated when I read it at school and hope to appreciate now, because I really liked most of his other works. And I seem to like it in a way. Very humorous in a sensitive and subtle way. 


Puerta died. I am sort of shocked. Not that I was a fan or cared much. But he was a 22 year old man and he must have been perfectly healthy. Apparently he was not perfectly healthy, but it is a shocker, isn't it?

And a lot like that happens lately. Sort of strengthens my disbelief in humanity. Cannibalism, excesses...


But I am going to head for the museum now, because I am really looking forward and I need to pee and brush my hair. And I hate that the museum is so extremely expensive, and I am not sure whether I can use my student card, I just hope they will let me, because I do not yet have a student I.D. card from St. Andrews and don't want to bring the confirmation that I study there, but maybe I can make a copy. I will try.

Love you.

...I am glad you were on my side... [August 27, 2007 @ 10:56am]

I have not properly updated in ages.

The trip back was way exhausting and took almost 15 hours, although it is not really a long trip usually. But it does not matter, we got back alright and had a great trip.

I was delighted to see boyfriend again, but really so little time is left until St Andrews.
I got a room, I got a flight and it is all so definite.
And despite the fact that the time we have and will have is just wondrous at the moment it is hard.
At the moment I am sort of pissed for nothing and still I am pissed, but it does not matter.
I mean, there never really was something and then he even apologized for it, which was nothing and that makes me feel bad and I am still having this pissed feeling.
But that is about to leave anyway, because this time I am in the wrong. He made me drive again and it was quite good, actually.
And now, I should have breakfast.

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it's bullet proof [August 21, 2007 @ 1:05pm]
I am crying.
Because I had to sign the contract for my stupid accomodation.
Because I have to book that fucking flight. I put it off for so long, that it has become way too expensive.
But that is not the problem.
The problem is that it breaks my heart to think I will actually board that plane.
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bags are packed, I am ready to go.. [August 06, 2007 @ 2:08pm]


Yes, trip starts tomorrow.
First Prague, then Budapest, then Vienna, then we head home. I am super nervous and excited and I hope everything will work well enough.
It is pretty complicated with the Interrail and I hope I got everything figured out.
I wish you all wondrous days while I am away.
I am surely going to miss you, but mostly I am looking forward to getting to know new stuff and people, and learning and seeing the beauty of all that.

Hugs to flist...

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it's a few more bruises... [July 30, 2007 @ 12:03pm]
Ba-de ba-doo....
Alright...let me sort out my thoughts.

Last weekend I was in Heidelberg, which was great fun. Except for the sheer masses of Japanese and American tourists. Nothing against the Japanese or the Americans, I am very fond of both. Just...the masses.
I am one of those people who do not want to ruin photoes by walking into them, but that is impossible in Heidelberg, because somebody is always taking a photo. 
And the shopkeepers, they seem to be scared of speaking German because usually there are no German clients. It is funny.
The funniest thing, however, is that they sell all sorts of Bavarian stuff there...blue and white. Heidelberg is not even in Bavaria. Oh well...
Yet those days were nice. It was nice seeing people again, especially Thomas, with whom I spent most of the time.
Luckily F. was not there. I might have ruined what is very happy and good and satisfying.
But yeah, we did a lot of silly things, including Hot Shots 2, a movie so bad that it hurts physically. 
We also watches some Monty Python and one night we were out to dance until four. I had a blast.
Last day we went to the zoo. Monkey babies...God, they were cute.
Sunday I got back. Harry was waiting for me, Potter that is. Also boyfriend. So after only thirty minutes at home, I got on the train to be picked up by boyfriend. We went to his grandparents where we had a barbecue.
His parents also returned that day.
He got sick almost the moment he was back...a bad cold, with fever and all. He was always freezing. So I stayed two days and was lovely and read Harry Potter.

Then we were out a lot...barbecue, despite the bad weather.
I got very drunk on Saturday. It was pathetic, I had to puke. Sucked.
Yesterday I saw this wondrous british movie. I laughed so much.
Tonight we will have a Harry Potter marathon...and we wil create our own cocktails and it shall be very awesome.

Love you all,

I am piecing a potion, to combat your poison... [July 19, 2007 @ 10:42am]
[ mood | hyper ]

I guess my waysof sleeping a paradox much.
However, in the beginning I was barely able to fall asleep next to boyfriend because space and I anyways always used to have difficulties, but it worked somehow, until two nights I could not sleep AT ALL.
And then it suddenly became great and I loved it, and the warmth and the joy and waking up next to each other, or waking up at night because somebody strokes you...

And now, he is away and in the beginning I slept fine, but now...I cannot fall asleep, because I am always cold or uncomfortable.
And once I finally fall asleep it takes only a couple of hours...like four or five until those stupid fuckers start taking their chainsaws out to cut the hedges across the street. At 7 in the morning? Hello?
I mean, free country...blah...bull crap. And all I can concentrate on is the noise of that saw. I was never more happy that it started to rain, but unfortunately it was only a short rain and they restarted...so I got up and showered.
But I got sexy new clothes, because in St Andrews I cannot look like the tramp who sings Beatles songs to his guitar in the shopping streets.
So, I got 

- a black skirt, with thin white stripes, that looks very business like.
- a black blazer in which I look hot and sexy and thin and combined with the skirt like a broker lady, but a sexy one.
- a purple blouse and the colour is oh to wondrous and I love it.
- a beige blouse, which perfects the business like look and is still funky when worn with other things
- a green blouse, again, perfect colour. I wear it right now and it is pretty
- and a black and white t-shirt which looks good with blazer

...spent a lot of money, but yeah...for once I needed the stuff and now I feel sexy and good.

Also, I have this thing for great hats. Like lady like, pretty hats. And whenever I am in certain stores I try on a few hats and for some crazy reason, they suit me well.
And I tried this funny blue hat and I was wearing jeans and a top and since I gained a bit of weight my body is now...well, rather female (but I lost it again almost completely by only eating fruit and yogurth)
and then a man came in, grinned, walked past me and said...that looks great at least on that woman.
Now, I was shopping with mother, because with boyfriend that does not happen a lot. But it was nice and flattering and made me feel great about myself.

Oh, I forgot I also got new udnerwear...I now feel very sexy.

Saturday HP comes out and I am finally hyped. It came late this time...last year I was so excited weeks before and this time only a few days, but I started speculating. I have a pretty full blown theory on pretty much everything, that seems logical to me (probably to nobody else)
But I guess it will be all different.
I wonder whether that book can live up to the expectations, but then I was never really disasppointed in any book, so I am optimistic. I want to like it, because HP accompanied me from the point where I started high school through my entire youth.
I just love the magic of it and how one can dive into that world, and I think in a way, in the field of fantasy it is outstanding literature, though it is not very artificial and well-written as real classics.

Today I leave for Heidelberg where I meet some people, but thank God the guy who broke my heart will not be there. I tend to make myself unhappy, having the self-destructive nature I cannot get rid of. But I am happy, could not be happier at the moment, and I am not intending to screw up on this.

Sunday I return and boyfriend too. Hopefully later than I, otherwise I shall leave earlier, because I am looking forward to him. A LOT.
I shall probably not read Harry POtter until Sunday or Monday and I will avoid anything and everything that comes even close to a spoiler, so if you want me to read your LJ, which I do intend to do, or come on wondrous, please mark every spoiler as a spoiler, don't put anything in your signatures or avatars. Otherwise I will not be online until I finished the book.

Love you all and need to pee,
so bye,

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cause I build my life around you... [July 14, 2007 @ 1:52pm]
[ mood | happy ]

St Andrews confirmed my offer yesterday. It is pretty much perfect.
Still it breaks my heart, because boyfriend is most patient and wonderful and he wants us to have a future.
He told me I was different from all his other girlfriends for various reasons and mainly because he has a vision of a shared future.
That is too wonderful to be true. But 4 years are 4 years.
We have been seriously talking a lot lately. His ex girlfriend started dating his best friend who is also a good friend of mine shortly after she found out that we were together. Now they are over and our friend is way depressed and we talked about him and her and I realized this relationship is going well. Honesty, trust, excitement, good sex...this should work. The will is there.
We also had some issues, but then we talked and everything turned out good.  
Right now, he is in Spain for ten days...nine left. Before we had a week alone at home, no parents, no brother's. We cooked and talked and did what people in love do...
Now I sort of miss him and I made him  a lunch package for his 19 hrs trip and he almost cried because he was so touched.
But it is not that bad, because the weather is lovely and I am permanently out with friends, Yesterday we went to the rocks in this small town, where there is a wonderful meadow. We roasted Marshmellows and corn, and we had sausages, and I drank Bionade. God, I am addicted to that stuff, and beer. We talked and it was warm and there were plently of stars, thousands. It was pretty. Then we texted boyfriend and he replied and told me he loved me. It was cute.

Today I got up and shaved (not interesing, I know) my legs and now we are going to the public bath. Catch some sun, continue Anna Karenina...drink Bionade, swim. It is so hot.
Tonight we go out to dance at the Poco.  I am looking forward, but it's be more lovely if boyfriend was there too.

Love you all, my little darlings.

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Just in case I like the dancing... [July 03, 2007 @ 12:29pm]

So...this weekend was my prom and my boyfriend's prom. It was pretty lovely.
His was not as great as ours. That is just a fact. It was nice, but no room for just talking, being laid back, seeing people for the öast time...dancing. It was a bit stiff.
Ours was wondrous. I loved it.
We had a programm but it was interesting and funny, including teachers singing karaoke and a quiz, parts of a movie, with many baby photos of everybody in our year.
The food wa okay, too and we drank quite a bit. Later on there was a live band, which was just great, because we danced for hours and it was so much fun.
I loved it and I will think of that night.
People were sweet. A girl bought me a drink because of my good grade, a guy I never had much in common with came to compliment me on the speech. It was beautiful.
We went home at quarter past three.
The next day I played the guitar and sang in a church service, that was lovely too.
Today I had my last guitar lesson and it made me quite nostalgic, but what can you do?
New things lie ahead.
I still need to preorder my HP. I am way lazy. I think I shall do that right now, because hell...I deserve it ;)

Alright...this was a sucky short and lamely written entry.
But I love you all.

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...time, thought i'd made friends with time. [June 27, 2007 @ 8:12pm]
[ mood | melancholic ]

This is really the end of an era.
Eight years I spent at that school. The good, the bad, the ugly.
And I loved it,  with every fibre of my being, behind the annoyance, the boredom, the fastidious matters, I enjoyed this time for it was wat formed me.
It was the experience that determined the past few years. Everything was somehow centered around school, everything somewhat linked to it. The people I was around for all those years are going to be the people I will from now on see once a year and maybe give a call and send a letter every once in a while.
The people, like Ron, who has been my best friend ever since seventh grade, with whom I shared everything, are already getting distant.
Laughter, joy, sadness, boyfriends, travelling, sleeping on the roof, dancing, alcohol...we were those cliché best friends who ended each other's sentence.
And Jonas, my best guy friend, who is the most lovely and understanding guy and who knows me inside out. He idolizes me, but he also is there for me whenever, really whenever, I need him. 

And today was lovely. We made teachers compete against each other, and then they had to do live walks, like on Germany's next Topmodel.
I got home drunk...at 10.30...am. I slept for another three hours, and now I am sad.
I think of leaving and I think of leaving boyfriend behind. We are not intending to split. But how long can we pull that off?
Half a year, two years? Maybe...but four years?
Of course, I don't expect my first love to last forever, and yet...it feels strangely right at the moment.

Changes are good, but I feel like this one is coming at the wrong time.
I am happy, whole heartedly I can say I am happy. I am sane, I feel like I love myself and others love or at least accept me.
I don't feel like running anymore.
What I did was always running! I did confront my problems. Yet, I wished to go, to leave, because I felt like this was not my place.
I know I can be happy like this in another place, with other people.
Yet, right now, it hurts to think so.

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with insomnia everything is the copy of a copy of a copy... [June 25, 2007 @ 12:56pm]
At the moment I am insomniac.
I hardly sleep, which drives me crazy. I started to take baldrian to calm me, but it changes nothing.
Boyfriend always sleeps well. Quandary.
More time to read for me, I guess.

Friday I graduated, wanna see photos?

Poo, i hate livejournal, but i shall try to post more pictures, whatever...
Graduation was nice, but also embarassing, because first I was honoured as valedictorian and got a present and then for the Prix Appollinaire.
And then I held the speech with Jonas, which was lovely and went well.

Friday night we went to have dinner with boyfriend's parents. It was nice and I had awesome food. But I could hardly sleep, and the night before I had not slept at all. I am sick.
Luckily the night thereafter I did sleep. Yesterday we had amazing dinner with my parents. It was so good, I wanted to have sex with the food.
Not literally.
But I was again unable to sleep. I suck.
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....without a safety net. [June 21, 2007 @ 7:31pm]
Tomorrow I graduate.
I am the valedictorian. Me and my best friend are holding a speech.
I will get presents. I was allowed to pick books for 50 euros..I picked a lexicon of linuistics, Ulysses by James Joyce and a collection of Brecht stories.
I am quite excited, but the speech is a good one. Only Jonas is not reachable now and we have not split it yet.

Boyfriend graduated as well at another school. In the evening we will have dinner with his family, Sunday with mine.
We go to my favourite Italian restaurant, I love that.

Um...what else. I have pretty hair, because it was cut and now the curls are lovely.
I am being suggested for a scholarship. We will see.
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....without a sefate [June 21, 2007 @ 7:31pm]

you make me feel like a natural woman... [June 16, 2007 @ 1:54pm]
I am best in my year.  I feel quite special, but since I am rather the shy kind of person, I get so embarassed everytime somebody asks me what average I did. 
People were happy for me.
Thursday everything was finished and all my friends did really well, too. Boyfriend aced German Literature and got a good average of B.
Thursday night everybody was at the disco and we got really really drunk. Hardly anybody except for people who graduated was there and we all were in a great mood.
At my school nobody failed and everybody got their abitur. At boyfriend's school five did...out of sixty, while we are 120.
That is quite a shame.
Friday next week is the graduation. How do I come up with a speech somebody tell me please?
I suck at stuff like that. 
I realize my entries get sort of short and blah, but I really am busy most of the time lately.
Despite the fact that I actually graduated. Boyfriend keeps me occupated.
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...a silicone chip inside my head. [June 04, 2007 @ 7:13pm]
[ mood | happy ]

I did it. I aced them both with 15 points.
I got 1,0.

Tonight I am gonna get drunk with my boyfriend, who by the way still is perfection.
Tomorrow he is going to go shopping with me, yesterday we went on a walk and he soothed me when I was panicking and it was sweet.
Yesterday morning when he was still asleep, I cried, because I had one of those days. But he cheered me up and it was lovely much.
He wants to try the far-distance thing.

 I am amazed, by school and love.
I did not expect to fall in love or get 1,0.
It both happened. I also crashed a car. Some things have to suck.
But I am happy. Purely and beautifully happy.

Love to you all,

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...flames to dust. [June 04, 2007 @ 11:20am]
This morning was my last ever exam.
Five hours from now I will have my result and I will be done with this school.
It feels weird.

...we've got very different reasons. [June 01, 2007 @ 1:07pm]

I had my first oral exam today. English.
I was very, very nervous Tonight I kept boyfriend awake and today I was panicky.
But it went quite well, I think.
I hope. 
My teacher made some positive comments, saying that I had said it all and that I had gotten a lot out of the text. 
And the audience (I allowed the kids from year twelve to watch) said I was perfect. Can't have been that bad. I will know more on Monday.

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the more I see, the less I know [May 30, 2007 @ 8:45pm]
Oh,  I am posting from my new laptop for the first time.
Exciting much? Well, I managed to make the wireless LAN work on my own and I am pretty proud of that.
As much as I am a genius regarding many things, I suck with technology.
Oh, and did I mention my english exam was on Friday.
I am a scared bunny and you all got to wish me luck.
I mean, I clearly could ace that, because I know my English, I know contents...but nervosity gets the better of me.
I got my dates on Tuesday and now I freak about whether I noted then properly. I am too stupid.
Boyfriend is sweet. He said he will calm me down tomorrow and watch English movies with me, and if I will continue to freak take me to school to check again, and he will also bring me to school for my exam.
Also this morning. I was depressed and really in this mood you still know from my older entries. On the verge of crying. He cheered me up and I will spare you off the details, but I think he might be just too good to be true.

I had an appointment at the gynaecologist today. Don't you love when a woman looks into your vagina and puts stuff in there, just to touch your boobs afterwards. Well, she said I was fine and everything was okay.
Oh the joy.
I have a bad conscience for I feel I should have done more for English, but then I did all I had to do for that exam and I am fit for it.
I must not screw it up.
Or at least not too much. 1.1 should wor.


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